Is It Self-Denial...Or Soul-Denial?
And why the difference matters more than we think.
Jordan Peterson once said,
“To be self-conscious is to be anxious.”
As someone who’s danced with anxiety more times than I care to count, I couldn’t let that line pass without inspection.
Is that true?
What is self-consciousness, anyway?
Could eliminating anxiety be as simple as eliminating self-consciousness?
And what would that even mean?
The best answer I could come up with was:
“Pay attention to something other than myself.”
Not in the “just get over yourself” kind of way.
Not in the “stop having needs” kind of way.
But in the re-orient your gaze toward something greater kind of way.
My Training in Self-Eraser Theology
I was raised Independent Fundamental Baptist.
(Yes, I say the full phrase because being anything less than all three was considered compromise—thankyouverymuch.)
And what we learned—deep in our bones—was this:
The heart is desperately wicked.
You’re prone to wander.
Your time and energy belong to God, and the winning of souls.
And rest? Don’t even think about it. That’s laziness.
Doubt? That’s rebellion.
Questions? Dangerous.
It was spiritual boot camp.
But no one checked to see if you were bleeding on the inside.
So I learned to perform.
I equated knowledge with faith.
And I quietly learned to despise the girl inside me who always came up short.
When “Die to Self” Becomes “Delete Yourself”
I get nervous when I hear preachers say:
“Forget about yourself. Die to self. Take up your cross and follow Jesus.”
Because I know there’s a woman listening who thinks:
“But… what about me?”
Then she rebukes herself for even asking.
Because to acknowledge personal needs - to have a self - feels selfish.
But I need to say something—clearly and without apology:
That question is not selfish. It’s sacred.
It’s the cry of a wounded child who needs healing before she can be expected to fight in a war.
The Real Danger Isn’t Self-Awareness. It’s Soul-Denial.
Yes, self-absorption is a trap.
But so is self-erasure.
And I’m convinced many Christians are living in a low-grade state of soul denial—taught to erase themselves “for the Kingdom,” while quietly becoming numb, exhausted, or bitter.
We’ve replaced the image of God in us with a checklist.
We’ve traded abiding for performing.
We’ve forgotten that God doesn’t want robots or martyrs.
He wants daughters. Daughters who know who they are.
Whose eyes are on Him—not because they’ve erased themselves, but because they’re full of His light.
Selfishness and Selflessness Are Not Opposites.
They’re just two different forms of scarcity.
Selfishness says: “Only I matter.”
Selflessness says: “Only others matter.”
But Soulfulness says:
“I am loved. I am filled. I have something to give.”
We don’t diminish ourselves to honor God.
We reflect His glory by being fully alive in Him.
The Way Out of Anxiety Isn’t to Forget You Exist.
It’s to stop spinning around yourself.
And start turning toward the Source.
Because once you’re filled… you can overflow.
And the cares of this world?
They grow strangely dim
in the light of His glory and grace.
Want help reclaiming what matters?
If this hit a nerve—or felt like fresh air—you might love the free guide I created for women like us - women who refuse to believe that exhaustion is the price of success.
It’s called Live Life on Your TERMS—5 powerful shifts to help you reconnect to what matters, without guilt, pressure, or burnout.